Top 30 Ron Swanson Birthday Quotes To Make Your Day Unforgettable

Looking to add some strong humor to your birthday celebration? Look no further than Ron Swanson, the mustachioed liberal on "Parks and Recreation." His straightforward delivery and stoic wisdom gave us unforgettable lines. We've put together a collection of Ron Swanson birthday quotes perfect for cards, social media posts, or a good laugh. Let's explore those sayings.

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Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

Image for Quote number 1 Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.

Image for Quote number 1 History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.

Image for Quote number 1 I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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I’m not interested in caring about people.

Image for Quote number 1 I’m not interested in caring about people. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 I’m not interested in caring about people. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 I’m not interested in caring about people. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 4 I’m not interested in caring about people. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 5 I’m not interested in caring about people. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

Image for Quote number 1 There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

Image for Quote number 1 Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are useless. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

Image for Quote number 1 There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.

Image for Quote number 1 The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.

Image for Quote number 1 If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.

Image for Quote number 1 When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.

Image for Quote number 1 One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Strippers do nothing for me...but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.

Image for Quote number 1 Strippers do nothing for me...but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Strippers do nothing for me...but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Strippers do nothing for me...but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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No home is complete without a proper toolbox.

Image for Quote number 1 No home is complete without a proper toolbox. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 No home is complete without a proper toolbox. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 No home is complete without a proper toolbox. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Friends: one to three is sufficient.

Image for Quote number 1 Friends: one to three is sufficient. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Friends: one to three is sufficient. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Friends: one to three is sufficient. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.

Image for Quote number 1 Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

Image for Quote number 1 Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.

Image for Quote number 1 Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 4 Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 5 Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.

Image for Quote number 1 I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.

Image for Quote number 1 Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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There is only one bad word: taxes.

Image for Quote number 1 There is only one bad word: taxes. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 There is only one bad word: taxes. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 There is only one bad word: taxes. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.

Image for Quote number 1 I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie.

Image for Quote number 1 Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice.

Image for Quote number 1 Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong.

Image for Quote number 1 Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Keep your tears in your eyes — where they belong. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons.

Image for Quote number 1 Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men, from men into gladiators, and from gladiators into Swansons. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.

Image for Quote number 1 Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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When I eat, it is the food that is scared.

Image for Quote number 1 When I eat, it is the food that is scared. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 When I eat, it is the food that is scared. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 When I eat, it is the food that is scared. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 4 When I eat, it is the food that is scared. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 5 When I eat, it is the food that is scared. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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Give 100 percent. One-hundred-and-ten percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

Image for Quote number 1 Give 100 percent. One-hundred-and-ten percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 Give 100 percent. One-hundred-and-ten percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 Give 100 percent. One-hundred-and-ten percent is impossible. Only idiots recommend that. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins.

Image for Quote number 1 I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

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The only reason anyone is going to this thing is because they’re afraid of what Marlene will do to them if they don’t. That women is tough. In 1994 I gave her a nickname, it’s unrepeatable, but it stuck. It’s my proudest accomplishment. It’s the iron c*ck shredder of Pawnee.

Image for Quote number 1 The only reason anyone is going to this thing is because they’re afraid of what Marlene will do to them if they don’t. That women is tough. In 1994 I gave her a nickname, it’s unrepeatable, but it stuck. It’s my proudest accomplishment. It’s the iron c*ck shredder of Pawnee. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 2 The only reason anyone is going to this thing is because they’re afraid of what Marlene will do to them if they don’t. That women is tough. In 1994 I gave her a nickname, it’s unrepeatable, but it stuck. It’s my proudest accomplishment. It’s the iron c*ck shredder of Pawnee. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quoteImage for Quote number 3 The only reason anyone is going to this thing is because they’re afraid of what Marlene will do to them if they don’t. That women is tough. In 1994 I gave her a nickname, it’s unrepeatable, but it stuck. It’s my proudest accomplishment. It’s the iron c*ck shredder of Pawnee. of author Ron Swanson about topic ron swanson birthday quote

Whether you're celebrating your own birthday or looking for the perfect quote to share with friends, let these Ron Swanson birthday quotes add a touch of humor and sincerity to the occasion. Remember, in the words of Ron Swanson, “When people are too close to me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know that I don't really care about them.” But on our birthdays, we show we care, Ron Swanson style.

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